Ladies and Gentleman
Last night, I saw someone post a link on Facebook titled "Adam Lambert moves Cher to tears with his rendition of 'Believe'. Now mind you, I am not and never was an American Idol-Americas Got Talent-The Voice-kinda dude, much less a fan of Adam Lambert's or Cher's music. I "believe" that there is too much risk vs. reward with those types of TV shows, but something told me to click the link and listen to his performance. Watching Adam Lambert sing 'Believe' brought up a mixed bag of feelings for me, like gratitude and appreciation which rapidly declined into sadness and ultimately jealousy as I continued to compare myself to him and ruminate over where I am at in life. This is how this blog post got started, read on if you're interested..
I acknowledge that I have a gift for music performance and composition. However, I've been living in self-doubt for over 20 years (I'm now 38).
Next to Hypertension, self-doubt surely is the other "silent killer".
Something doesn't quite add up. Although I've been fortunate enough to receive positive feedback about my music from family, friends, and even complete strangers (the latter which I value more because it's totally unbiased), I've always held myself back from pursuing a professional career in music.
To be perfectly honest, I've always wanted to be a professional music artist but I wasn't and still am not sure in which capacity.
Have you or heard someone tell someone else who demonstrates talent and shows promise in a certain art or craft "follow your heart" and "follow your dreams"? Yeah. They also don't tell you how to do it, so you just go about all willy-nilly and make irresponsible choices. Then they tell you "it is what it is". What a total mind f***.
Recently, I've convinced myself that there is no real security, stability, and abundance in the music industry. Perhaps there's some truth to that if you really think about it. All the great ones die young, and all those starving artists who are still enduring the struggle are clamoring over each other to get to the top like some neverending Black Friday sale.
Currently, I'm studying Nursing which is a real honor and privilege, I'm very fortunate and I totally LOVE what I am doing. As I said before, I wanted to be a professional music artist, medicine wasn't part of the plan. However, if you really think about it as deeply as I have, medicine has *always* been part of the plan. My music is my medicine, my yoga is deeply therapeutic, and now Nursing which will offer exciting opportunities for years to come. So funny how this is all playing out, it's almost starting to make sense..
Naiveté is transformed into Knowledge, Experience, and Wisdom. The harsher realities of life are revealed, the most uncomfortable truths are understood.
I want to believe that I still have a chance at success within the music industry but I certainly do not want to have to struggle to make it happen. One thing that I have learned is that your basic needs must be met and prioritized above all else (see Maslow's Hierarchy of Human Needs). I think that far too often creative types prioritize their emotional and spiritual needs and forget about their basic foundational needs which is probably why they're fighting an uphill battle.
Lastly, I just want to express that I'm not interested in fame or earning billions. Sure, that all sounds nice, but none of that will make me happy. Happiness is being content with myself, working with what I have, and never giving up on my dream. Happiness is fulfilling my purpose, serving, empowering, and inspiring others have they have done for me.
Thanks for reading.
-Josh
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